Individual Psychotherapy

Over the past twenty-seven years, I have been counseling many people troubled by personal problems including self-esteem, low self-confidence, and/or loneliness. At times, some individuals can become overwhelmed with the difficulties of life.

These difficulties can impact relationships negatively and can cause great stress and unhappiness. This is where I, as an experienced psychologist, can intervene actively and effectively step-by-step.

Step 1:  I can help you evaluate where problems exist.
Step 2:  You decide what your goals in therapy are so that you can lead a life that is satisfying and contented.
Step 3:  I help you to put in place the changes you choose to make.

Therapy is teamwork involving you and your therapist within a safe and comfortable setting.  Respect for you as a person is a guiding principle in my mind in helping you resolve problems or issues.

I encourage the concept of “enlightened selfishness.”  This means taking good care of yourself – feeling good about yourself.

Stress Management

Stress is the common denominator for all human beings. It impacts all of us, at all ages, and at all levels of income and position.

Stress is your body’s physical, mental and chemical reaction to circumstances that frighten, excite, confuse, and endanger you. However, there is little in your life that directly causes stress; it is your perception of the “stressor,” or how you look at it.

Iíve conducted many Stress Management Seminars.I am a qualified therapist who can help you change your perception of what triggers your stress. I will then teach you techniques to manage stress effectively throughout your life.

Marriage Counseling

I co-authored a book entitled The Second Wives Club: Secrets for Becoming Lovers for Life. A major theme of the book is that it is more difficult to work on a marriage than to get a divorce. I teach couples how to restore and nurture love and intimacy in their relationships. Step-by-step, this is accomplished by really learning how to communicate (Communication Skills), and by becoming “special” to one another.

As a marriage counselor, I can be a pivotal force in helping you resolve relationship issues. I am objective, easy-to-talk-to, and unbiased. The beautifully furnished parlor-office provides the private, comfortable environment needed.

It might be a mid-life crisis, an unfaithful spouse, or perhaps feeling that youíve “grown apart.” I will be the catalyst in getting you on the right track so that you wonít be overwhelmed by the problems of life.

Couples Counseling

Many of the important ingredients in a successful couples relationship are shared by those who are married. For example, keep in mind the “LOVERS” concept of a good relationship:
Value of Trust
Stability of Commitment

“LOVERS” are the essentials- the foundation of a marriage, the absence of any one of them can lead to serious relationship issues. As an empathetic female couples/marriage counselor, I will gently assist you and your mate in working toward being “LOVERS” every day. Thus, you will ensure the permanence of your relationship as you build a strong foundation for yourselves.

Pre-marital counseling is a very effective way to sort out any possible problems before having a legal commitment or moving in together. Such counseling can make a couple aware of flaws in the relationship and iron them out prior to them becoming major problems. As a psychologist, I am able to be objective and offer you a comfortable way to explore and resolve any impediments to your relationship.

Second Marriage Counseling

In second marriages relationship issues intensify, as if ignited by lightning. This is because a second wife’s life and a second husband’s life are involved not simply with each other. Their spouse’s marital history has a tremendous impact upon their lives. In other words, a second wife or a second husband marry much more than the man or the woman. He/she marries the spouse’s history as well. These prior marital histories are far-reaching and can have negative effects upon the marriage.

According to the National Center for Divorce Statistics, the average first marriage lasts 6.3 years and the average second marriage lasts 4.5 years. With the help and support of a counselor like myself who is trained in re-marriage marital counseling, you can beat these odds by learning methods for overcoming some of the challenging problems you confront, such as dealing with a former spouse, first set of children, old memories, etc.

You and your spouse can become LOVERS for Life:
Value of Trust
Stability of Commitment

As a Second Wife Therapist who is “easy-to-talk-to” and is a second wife herself, together we will focus on your specific set of obstacles while you are in the comfort of a relaxed, living room setting in my office.

For a unique perspective on second marriages, please read for my magazine article in Making Your Marriage Last: A Lovers Quiz and see the helpful excerpts from my book THE SECOND WIVES CLUB: Secrets for Becoming Lovers for Life.

Divorce Counseling

We all recognize how stressful and painful divorce can be.  It is extremely difficult for adults, and, of course, for any children (and grandchildren) involved.

As someone well-experienced as a Divorce Counselor, I can help you and/or your former spouse to set up “rules of engagement” which will help regulate your interactions.  Boundaries will be spelled out, possible conflicts will be circumvented and childrens’ needs will be protected.

Should only one of you seek professional help, it is still a worthwhile effort toward smoother relations with a divorced spouse: At least one of you is learning strategies for handling a past relationship. Having a professional person “on your team” gives you the confidence and strength to deal with your ex-spouse in your own best interests (and/or that of your offspring).

For another view on my post-divorce scenario, read my magazine article The Love Game Soup to Nuts.

Step-Parent Counseling

The role of a second wife or husband is rife with difficulties, and those in the form of a fearful and innocent child can be especially challenging. The child of a divorced parent needs understanding, love and a firm, guiding hand.  Divorce disrupts family life and triggers a child’s confusion because of divided loyalties toward parents.

It is important to assure the child that he/she is loved and wanted in both parent’s homes, despite the divorce.  The consistent assurance will help stabilize the youngster and lessen loyalty issues.  Let the child know he/she is “safe” to express honest feelings.  Nothing will be held against him/her. Help the child to feel “special” in the new family setting.

For additional suggestions, please read my magazine article Ask America’s Ultimate Experts

Communication Skills

It seems that a major obstruction to a healthy relationship is not finances, not sex, not children. It is a lack of effective communication skills.  People talk to each other, but they don’t listen. The skill of listening is 75% of constructive communication. Very often, couples are so intent on formulating a retort in their minds that they are unable to truly listen to their partner. This deficit promotes extreme confusion, mass mis-communication, and greatly blemishes their relationship.

As a psychologist, I will set up communication exercises that you can practice in session and at home. You can improve communication and problem-solving skills to the level of being the powerful tool that it is to foster harmony and contentment. It is a matter of becoming aware of the real reasons for arguing and fighting and learning how to resolve your conflicts with understanding and love.

Counseling can save marriages by breaking through tough relationship issues caused by poor communication.

T.G. Counseling

For many years now, in my Bergen County, N.J. practice, I have been counseling individuals with gender identity issues.  Any one of you in the transgender community is aware of how difficult it can be to live as a C.D. in our society today. Many of you often have said to me, “Dr. Millian, although I was borne a male, I always felt imprisoned in this male body- I truly am a woman”. It works reverse as well; I’ve treated women who have felt themselves to be clearly men. Both situations can be agonizing and life changing.

Transgender individuals are often confused and conflicted by the pressures they bear. A counselor can help you to work through your feelings and assist you in adjusting to the world you choose. You are so correct when you declare “I have to be me!”

Therapy by a Psychologist experienced in transgender counseling will give you the understanding and the support you need to proceed with your life plans.

Gay/Lesbian Counseling

All of the topics that concern individuals and couples of course apply to those who are gay or lesbian.  Anxiety, depression, interpersonal conflicts and so forth are not restricted to sexual orientation boundaries.  As a psychologist, I have worked with gay and lesbian people very effectively because of my understanding and experience.  My extensive training as a psychologist and over twenty-seven years of being in practice have included counseling many people in the gay and lesbian population.

It is of critical importance that gays, lesbians (and straight individuals) learn effective communication and problem-solving skills in order to foster a meaningful, loving relationship. These can be taught in therapy sessions.

Therapy with gay or lesbian individuals or couples (with the guidance of a respectful and caring Counselor) can promote a long, healthy relationship. The acronym “LOVERS” is a guideline for one and all. It is an aspiration that is well worth the effort for a lifetime of peace and content. click here for Book
Value of Trust
Stability of Commitment